Know Your Body (Part 2)

This article was written after my first fever following an ADHD diagnosis. I began to consciously notice the discomfort reactions of various parts of my body.

Mindfulness meditation, psychotherapy, and appropriate medication are the three keys to physical recovery.

Medication: The Most Common Solution in the Medical System

I was born in an era when people began to believe in modern medicine, so I was taught from a young age that "you need to take medicine when you're sick." Before leaving home, my body had not experienced any major illnesses, and my brain tended to ignore, deceive, and misattribute my physical symptoms.

After leaving China and coming to Singapore, I first learned about the concept of a general practitioner. Whenever I caught a cold and needed to take sick leave, I had to inform the GP of my symptoms one by one to get the corresponding medication: fever, cough, sore throat, runny nose, which could be four or more different medications.

I began to question the reliability of these targeted medications because in China medicines always have terms like antiviral, antibacterial, and anti-inflammatory. GP-style medication did not seem to be a cure for physical illness but merely a relief of symptoms.

But this time when I got sick, after taking the anti-nausea medication prescribed by the GP, I really felt a reduction in the frequency of nausea.

The ADHD diagnosis also made me start to believe again in the development of brain science and psychotropic drug research, which can greatly improve the quality of life. After trying psychotropic drugs (fluoxetine and methylphenidate), I personally felt a significant improvement in my mental state. Now I am no longer resistant to medication, but I still have doubts about the inefficiency of the medical system.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Changing the Brain's Perception of Physical Illness

One morning, I asked ChatGPT: I am already taking ADHD medication, but how can I alleviate my "somatic anxiety" symptoms? (See: Know Your Body Part-1) In his usual lengthy response, I caught a glimpse of a term: cognitive behavioral therapy.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a clinical method for treating psychological disorders, emphasizing that cognition, emotions, and behavior are interrelated. By correcting erroneous cognition, a person's behavior and emotions can be improved. This is corroborated by the theory of neuroplasticity in brain science, which states that neural pathways frequently used by the brain are strengthened, while those rarely used are weakened.

Dr. ChatGPT suggested that my so-called "somatic anxiety" might be a kind of acquired "learned behavior." During the first episode, I linked accelerated heartbeat, disordered breathing, and body tremors with an anxious mental state. Subsequent similar physical experiences reinforced this connection in my brain.

By understanding the relationship between behavior and cognition, decoupling physical symptoms from mental states, and changing previous neural pathways, I can better understand and control my emotions and body. I began to think: an accelerated heartbeat is normal and can even help burn fat; breathing is controllable and is an "anchor point" in meditation practice; tremors are normal muscle reactions, possibly due to cold or physical fatigue. Such new cognitions about attributing physical symptoms have indeed reduced the frequency of these symptoms occurring together.

Mindfulness Meditation: Listening to the Body, Feeling the Body

Three months ago, I began to explore the concepts of meditation and mindfulness and engaged in some meditation practices. I sat there feeling confused: why is my brain so noisy, and why can I hardly scan my body? Later, I learned it was because I have ADHD.

When I started getting sick this time, I began to feel some early symptoms: my body was cold and shivering, my appetite decreased, and I couldn't muster the energy to work (oh my, I'm a workaholic!). With new knowledge about cognitive behavioral therapy and brain science, I realized this was a "mindful illness practice," a good opportunity to reconcile my brain and body.

I had an epiphany: what I always said as "I feel..." was not really feeling, but "I think." In fact, I was never good at or even capable of "feeling" myself. I mistook my thoughts (many of which were brought on by ADHD) for feelings and let my brain enslave my poor body—I would forget to eat and sleep once I started working.

It's time to listen to and feel my body! Like an employee ignored by the boss for too long and not good at expressing themselves, all parts of my body began to complain loudly: I felt hot and cold alternately, shivering constantly; my hands and feet were cold, even numb; gas surged in my stomach, making me want to retch; my eyes were unhappy with me staring at the screen while sick; my chest, lower abdomen, and pubic area were painful due to my menstrual period...

I sat on the cushion with my eyes closed, watching these bodily sensations come and go. Despite my physical discomfort, my spirit was more relaxed and happy than before because I experienced a "mindful illness practice." For the first time, my body felt like it was having an equal conversation with my mind, rather than just being a slave.

What is my body saying now? Oh, the anti-nausea medication I took half an hour ago is starting to work, and now I should be able to eat normally. (As it turns out, taking anti-nausea medication was not a good idea; my stomach felt worse, but I couldn't vomit.)